Pushed to the Limits
by Kabosh
Summary: Tobias is pushed to the limits when the dark, yet comforting, forces of death try to send him down the chasm. Will he be able to resist, or is the urge just too powerful? Rated T to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

The voice in my head was telling me to jump, jump off the ledge, like in my fear landscape, and all my problems would be gone. But I couldn't do it. I never did do it, and I don't think I ever will. When I even consider it, Tris comes to mind and I manage stop myself. But only just.

I walked away from the chasm, the roar of the water in my ears, victory fresh in my mind. But it wasn't, really. I hadn't won, because I knew that I would come back. Just to test my strength.

I unlocked the door to the apartment I shared with Tris, and she was awake.

"Where were you, Tobias?" Tris asked me, walking over in one of my shirts.

I couldn't do it because she needs me. Do I need her? I don't know.

'_She would easily move on and find someone else,'_ the voice said. But would she? I guess so.

"I just went for a walk. I needed to clear my head," I lied. I hated lying to her, but I didn't see another choice.

She gave me a hug, and I loosely put my arms around her waist.

"Are you okay?" Concern riddled her voice.

"Yes. I'm fine," I snapped quickly. Too quickly.

Shaking her head, she replied, "You're not. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine," I sighed.

"Look, Tobias, I know that you're lying to me. If you don't want to tell me what the problem is, just say," Tris moved back into bed, pulling the covers over her head.

I thought about climbing in with her, but decided against it. She could use some practise for when the voice in my head takes over.

***This is my first fanfiction so please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

***Thanks to the people that reviewed! Please continue to do so (:**

**Sorry it's kinda short…**

I could feel it getting stronger, but I fought back, because today, I wanted to be myself. Just for today. For the last day of the initiates training.

The comforting, dusty smell of the training room filled my nose and the initiates piled in.

"Transfers, today you will be going through your fear landscapes. Remember that the leaders of Dauntless will be watching you, and you only get one chance," I tried to put on my best instructor voice, my Four voice, but I could tell that it was a little weak. I couldn't afford for it to be weak.

The transfers followed me up the glass steps that lead to the fear landscape room. I wanted to be alone because it was when I was at a deathly height that the voice was strongest.

'_Jump off, Tobias. Nobody will judge you. It's not your fault.' _It was slowly getting louder, feeding off of my fear, until I could barely stand it. The word 'jump' was bouncing around, splitting my brain in two, and I wanted to jump. I really, really wanted to. But I couldn't.

I ran up the rest of the steps and as far away from the ledge as possible.

I hit a big crowd of people, and searched desperately for Tris' face. But I couldn't find it.

I wanted to break down, start sobbing, but I couldn't, not with everyone here.

The transfers entered the training room, but I didn't. I was waiting for Tris to show up.

After all the fear landscapes, she still had not shown.

I ran to my apartment, the pounding of my feet on the ground filling my ears.

I unlocked the door hastily, my fingers fumbling and it took a few tries to get the key into the lock.

Tris was inside, asleep on the sofa. She looked so peaceful, and innocent, I just couldn't bring myself to wake her.

I slouched against the corner of the room, my head in my hands.

I started hyperventilating, until I couldn't take it anymore.

I started to get up, but the voice, coming from nothing, started telling me to stop. I tried to ignore it, walking over to our small fridge. I started getting louder, until it was screaming at me to stop, telling me that I had more important things to do, but not what to do.

My hands went straight for the booze, and I took a swig. The horrible smell of alcohol drifted up my nose.

Gasping, I swallowed more, and it felt like fire, burning my throat, but I kind of liked it because the voice shut up. I relaxed a little.

That was the wrong thing to do. It took advantage of my weakness and was louder than ever before. It was a skull-splitting screech, so loud that I was surprised it didn't wake Tris up.

My feet started moving, and made their way towards the chasm.

Leaning on the railing, I drunk more and more.

The voice exploded. It screamed and screamed, and I almost jumped to silence it. But then I realised that I was screaming, not the voice, and the shock made me stop.

My mind was slowly becoming a drunken haze, but one thought was crystal-clear.

The voice didn't belong to me. So where was it from?


	3. Chapter 3

***Please review!**

"Tris, wake up!" I shook my girlfriend awake.

"What is it?" She groaned. "It's, like, 3am!"

I looked into her eyes, searching, but I didn't know what for. But then I found it. I was searching for hope. Of course, her hope would be different to mine.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" She sat up, speaking softly as if I was a wounded animal. I suppose I was.

I sat next to her, and pulled her onto my lap. She buried her head in my shoulder.

"Tris, do you ever… Hear voices? That, perhaps, others can't hear?" She shook her head, and kissed my neck lightly. It sent shivers down my spine, and I missed the time when we could be together in peace.

"Why do you ask?" She whispered, tracing the tattoos on my back.

"No reason," I reply, getting the sudden urge to push her away. Why couldn't she hear them too? Surely, I can't be the only one… Can I? I wanted to push her away because I was crazy, and had no idea what I was going to do next.

'_If you want to push her away… Why don't you? What's stopping you?' _The voice buzzed around, almost forcing me to throw Tris away. I took all my willpower to stop.

"It's getting stronger," I muttered, tensing up.

"What is, Tobias?" Tris mumbled sleepily and soon enough, her breathing steadied.

I gently laid her back on the bed, and found myself running, running out of the compound towards the trains.

I fell into step with the train, before grabbing the handle and pulling myself up.

Making sure my feet were planted firmly on the floor, I leant out, wind threatening to suck me out.

The voice didn't make an appearance, but I was still on edge. It could come back at any moment.

***Page Break***

I slowly opened my eyes, struggling to control my breathing.

I was standing at the top of the Hancock, where Zeke took everyone to go zip-lining. I had always declined. I knew that Tris had done this before, during initiation.

With shaking steps, I approached the zip line.

'_You don't need the zip line. You will fly without it. If you just bend your knees and jump, you will soar through the air, and your fear will disappear upon impact. It's so easy, and afterwards there were be nothing to worry about, ever again…'_

I was bending my knees, as he voice had told me to, tears streaming down my face.

I jumped with all the force I could muster.

I flew.

***Sorry this update took a few days, next one out tomorrow, hopefully!**


	4. Chapter 4

***Thanks so much for reviewing!**

My eyes were squeezed shut, and I could just imagine the ground rushing up.

I couldn't open my eyes to look; I was a coward. A stupid coward that didn't deserve to be in Dauntless.

There was a piercing scream from inside my head, so loud that it forced my eyes open. And that was when I realised that I wasn't falling. I was hanging from the edge of the building, and I could feel strong hands clamped around my arms.

Slowly, they pulled me up. They belonged to a face that could only be Zeke.

"Zeke? What-" I started, before being interrupted.

"Why, Four? Why are you jumping?" Zeke wasn't angry, or fuming, or confused, but I wanted him to be. He was disappointed, which was worse.

"It's just- There's this thing and- you wouldn't understand,"

"I'm your best friend, Four. I might not understand, but you can tell me. But actually, this time, I don't want to know," He walked away with a look of pure disgust on his face.

***Page Break***

I found Tris sobbing and Christina trying to comfort her and Zeke with his head in hands when I entered my apartment.

Tris looked up at the sound of the door, but she looked angry as well as upset. Christina glared at me.

I stood there awkwardly for a minute or two, before slamming the door and going to find my old friend: alcohol.

'_You don't need alcohol when you can have the adrenaline of jumping again. Wasn't that refreshing? Even though you didn't get the full experience?"_

"Shut up," I muttered through clenched teeth.

I walked into the alcohol shop, and came back with a bottle of strong booze for each hand.

I took a long slug, and found my way to the railing over the chasm.

One bottle later, I was drunk.

"There is a fine line between bravery and idiocy," I say, finding it hard to say the words right.

'_Yes, and this is true bravery, jumping. Idiocy is not jumping,'_

I was sure it was trying to take control of mind while it's weak like this, but what could I do?

I took another deep drink, before throwing the empty bottle down the oath my body was destined to go.

I laughed, because I remembered when one of the imitates had jumped because Tris didn't like him. Well, Tris liked _me._ Or did she? She was kind of mad.

Dropping the half empty bottle, I leant on the railing, thinking about how easy it would be to topple off. And how comforting it would be to have the dark, cool water of the chasm envelope around me, giving me a nice send off into the similar hands of death.

'_It would be so refreshing, a nice break from your troubles,'_

And it would be, wouldn't it?

***Please review!** **Sorry if the alcohol stuff is a bit off…**


	5. Chapter 5

***Thanks for the reviews!**

I was so glad when I got a break the next morning, because the voice was almost constantly dominant. When it was in charge, it seemed so reasonable, so right, but now, looking back, I feel disgusted at myself.

I found Tris with Christina and pulled her away.

"Tris, I am so sorry about yesterday," I say, keeping my distance.

"Tobias, you don't have to apologise. I understand," She told me, but she looked at me with a really hurt look in her eyes.

"You do?" I asked, shocked, stepping closer. She stepped away.

"Yes. I understand that you don't love me anymore," Tears were dripping down her face.

"What? Tris, I do love you. I love you more than anything in the world,"

"Yeah? How do I know that? You tried to kill yourself, you can't expect me to believe you when you tried to cut yourself off from everything, including me," Tears were streaming down her face now. Her eyes were like the storm cloud and the tears were the rain, bringing misery to the world below. In this case, they were bringing misery to me.

"Tris, just-please. Please understand," I begged, feeling a lump in my throat.

"I've tried, Tobias, I really, really have. But I can't. Suicide? I can't understand that. I love you, with all my heart, but I can't do this,"

"You're… Breaking up with me? Don't do this to me, please, please, don't," I was begging now. I really, really loved her.

"This is really hard for me, Tobias. Don't make it any harder," With that, she turned around and walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

***Thanks for the reviews and follows!**

I couldn't bear to enter my apartment, because it was so empty without _her_. I heard that she was staying with Christina, who hated me now.

I slept by the railing if the chasm, because the only person that would talk to me was the voice, who seemed to love being by the chasm.

It was hard to sleep with the rush of water in my ears, but that was okay. Any sleep I got was invaded with nightmares and made me more tired when I woke up anyway.

I probably smelled and needed to shave, but I didn't care. Kids called me the 'Chasm Hobo'.

At first, I'd let the tears come, but then they ran out. I wasn't eating much, but every day I would wake up to find a bottle of water and a muffin by my head.

I picked at today's muffin as I leant on the railing, watching Dauntless go to sleep.

'_You can jump now. No one likes you anymore, they won't miss you. You're almost dead anyway, with exhaustion. It won't take much of your dwindling energy to jump…'_

This time, I didn't need any persuading. The voice quietened out as it realised my intentions.

I dropped the muffin, and climbed over the railing. I was balancing on my toes, almost over the edge.

I bent my knees, and jumped, finally free. Nobody could stop me now. The wind rushing in my ears was nice.

"Tobias, no!" I heard a scream behind me. It could only be Tris. No matter, she didn't love me anyway.

When I hit the water, her face was everywhere.

I died with a smile on my lips and Tris in my mind.

***Sorry it's actually really short, but I am planning on doing two more chapters.**


	7. Chapter 7

Tris

"Tobias, no!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face, helplessly watching Tobias fall down the chasm.

I couldn't move. I stood there, paralysed, all meaning lost. I still loved him, for God's sake.

I forced myself to look over the ledge, and I could just make out a black shadow in the water.

I screamed and screamed until I could not scream any more.

I cried until the tears ran out.

This was all my fault. If I hadn't have broken up with him, he wouldn't have jumped.

I collapsed onto the floor.

"Tris!" I heard a voice behind me, and some part of my mind recognised it as Christina's. But I didn't care anymore.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, pulling me up. I leant on the railing and put my head in my hands. All of the times me and Tobias had together ran through my mind. When we first met; the Ferris wheel; our first kiss; going through his fear landscape; the rankings and every day from then on… Including me breaking up with him. The part that made me want to scream.

"Tris! What is going on?" Christina shook me.

I could only point a shaking finger to the point of Tobias' death. She peeked over the edge and caught sight of the shadow floating in the water.

"Oh god," She stumbled back and ran away.

Minutes later, she returned with Zeke.

"Zeke, Four um, he, well," Christina ended up pointing down the chasm.

I couldn't hear what they were saying. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything, couldn't see anything. The last of my tears slipped down my cheek, and I could see Tobias brushing them away. He can't anymore.

I was completely numb, and dehydrated, but I didn't care. You can't expect me to live without _him_.

***So happy new year! Sorry this is short… I will try to get the final chapter up today, but it might be up tomorrow instead.**


	8. Chapter 8

Tris

I couldn't look at his body. Some people had lifted it out, but I couldn't look at the water-swollen body that belonged to the one I loved.

I wanted to understand why he had tried to jump, but I could understand why he actually did. I wanted to, after breaking up with him.

The men had left the body lying there. I wanted to push it back down the chasm, and I was about to when Christina ran into me.

"I'm so, so sorry, Tris. It wasn't your fault, not at all," She hugged me. I pushed her away.

"Yes, it was. Just go away," She looked hurt, but I ignored it and faced the chasm again. I wonder what the water felt like. It was probably silky and refreshing…No. I wasn't going down there.

But I couldn't kid myself.

I moved to Tobias' body and pushed it over the railings. It was awkward to carry, but I managed to push it over.

I cautiously climbed over, not much footing available.

"I love you, Tobias,"

I jumped.

"I'm sorry,"

I fell.

Tobias

I watched Tris fall, but I knew nobody could see me. I wouldn't let Death take me until _she_ came.

I knew she was sorry. Why else would she jump? Death sat beside me, unseen by even me, but I could feel his presence.

Then she arrived. I could see her sorrow, and I forgave her. Now we could be together, without any interruptions.

Our souls reunited at last.

Our bodies disposed of together.

The same funeral.

The same death.

***So, the final chapter! Please review, telling me how it was. Sorry all the chapters were kind of short… But thank you guys so much for everything **

**Please check out my new fanfic, **_**If We Had Both Chosen Differently**_**.**


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